As
you can probably guess, the reason we have not written for a while is because
our dream of adopting finally came true! I think it is about time that we
shared our story. I feel like before I can share the story of adopting
our son, I first need to share a little bit of our infertility story, I hope
you can bear with me. Dave and I began trying to start our family after
we had been married for almost four years. We tried for about two years
and then did infertility treatments for about a year and a half (I know it
seems like we waited a long time before going to the doctor, but we were not consistently
trying during those two years. I kept having
random health problems that would keep us from trying, nothing serious, just
things that would delay us). The years we went through trying to conceive were
incredibly difficult. It was incredibly painful. I think that is
the best way to describe it, painful. But although those years were so
hard, I would not change a single thing. I was able to learn and grow so
much from this experience. I have grown so much from going through this
that I would not be the person I am today if I had not had to go through these
things. I have truly seen the Lord's hand in my life and I have learned
how to let him bear my burdens. I would like to share just a couple
experiences I had that helped me to learn these things.
One
morning I was getting ready for work, rushing around like usual and I felt the
strong impression that I needed to read my scriptures. I almost didn't
because I was in a hurry, but I finally sat down and read. At the time I
was reading in the Book of Jacob. That particular day I read about when
Jacob was preaching repentance to the people, telling the men that their bad
behavior was causing their wives and children to suffer and how this did not
please the Lord. Later it mentions that the sobbing’s of the women's
hearts ascend up to God. At this point I had the overwhelming feeling
that God knew the pain and sadness that I was feeling and that He was sad that
I was sad. That it hurt him to see me hurting. It was a comfort to me to
know the Lord was aware of me and that He was sorrowing with me, even if He was
not willing to take away the trial.
About
three years after we began trying to have a family I had another amazing
experience. We were up at my parent's watching General Conference and
Elder Perry was giving a talk. In his talk he spoke of how much the
church needs good fathers and mothers right now. Hearing this made me so
upset. I stood up and left the room with tears streaming down my
face. All I could think of was “If this
were true and the church needs good mothers and fathers, why couldn’t Dave and
I have a baby?” As soon as I had that
thought these words came into my mind “Because of the ways of the world, there
will be more children born into families who are not ready for them, they need
good parents too.” I felt so blessed to
receive this revelation. It was a direct
answer to my question, and although at the time we were still pursuing
infertility treatments it helped open my heart to adoption. I did not know if this meant that we would
not be able to have a child of our own, but I knew that if this was the case
the Lord had a bigger plan for me than I had for myself and I was grateful to
him for that.
Not
long after this experience we decided to discontinue our infertility treatments
and begin pursuing adoption. We attended
an adoption meeting where we discovered that because we were building a home,
we would not be able to start the adoption process until it was complete
because they had to do a home check. We
had just started building and so this was yet again another delay. During this time we sold our condo and Dave’s
grandparents were kind enough to allow us to live in their home while our house
was being built. While living there for
that brief time we received a calling to be substitute primary teachers. As I was being set apart, the Bishop
pronounced in my blessing that I would receive the miracle I’d been waiting for. I immediately started crying. He did not know us, he had no idea we had
been waiting for a child. I knew that
blessing came directly from my Heavenly Father.
Finally
we were able to move into our new home and start the adoption process in
earnest. There were a few more delays
but finally in November of 2014 we had a live profile and had begun waiting to
hear from an expectant mother. As we
waited I prayed that we would be blessed to be able to adopt a baby. After a few months of praying for this, I
received a strong impression that I was praying for the wrong thing. This absolutely terrified me and I refused to
ask the Lord what I should be praying for.
I was afraid I would be told that we would not be able to adopt. Finally one night as I was praying I was
impressed that instead of praying that we would be able to adopt, I should be
praying for our birth mother. Specifically, that she would be comforted and
that she would have the courage to make the right decision. This was around the month of March 2015. I later found out that this was the month our
birth mother conceived and she was going through a very difficult time. I am so grateful the Lord was patient with me
and let me know what I should be praying for, even though I didn’t deserve it. During the next few months we did talk to a
few expectant parents, but were finally contacted by Brooke, our birth mother
in August of 2015.
We
emailed back and forth with Brooke for about a month, during that time we were
able to get to know each other a bit better.
At one point Brooke told us that she had gone with some friends to Sandy
Beach in Spanish Fork. Dave and I had never heard of Sandy Beach and we lived
in Spanish Fork so we thought we should go check it out. So one Sunday we went for a drive to Sandy
Beach. Soon after we got home, we received
an email from Brooke asking if we had been to Sandy Beach that day. We told her that we had. She emailed back and told us that she had saw
us. She was in a car that was driving in
as we were driving out. She was so happy
that she had seen us, she had been having a hard day and she told us that
seeing us had made her feel better. I
know that it was not a coincidence that we saw each other that day, and I feel
that experience helped Brooke with all that she was going through.
After
emailing each other for about a month Brooke told us that she would like to
meet us. We set up a day to take her and
her Mom out to lunch. When the day
finally arrived I was so incredibly nervous! Everything ended up going really
well, we were able to have a good conversation and it was not awkward at
all. We were also able to meet Brooke’s
one year old little boy. He was such a
cutie, we knew that the little boy she was carrying would be a cutie too. Soon after we arrived home from meeting them,
we received an email from Brooke saying that she would like to get together
with us again soon. We were so
excited! We hoped that meant she was
thinking of choosing us. We emailed back
and decided to go to the chalk art festival at the Riverwoods the very next
weekend. At the chalk art festival we
were able to really get to know each other a bit more, it was so nice. Then at the end, before she left Brooke told
us that she was choosing us to adopt her baby boy! We were so happy and hopeful that our prayers
would finally be answered.
After
this, we began getting together with Brooke so that we could get to know her
better. One day we took her to Build A
Bear so that she could make a bear for her and for her baby. When we got to the end of making the bear it
asks who the bear is for. Brooke asked
if we had picked out any names. Prior to
this Dave and I had been sitting in a Sunday School class where we were discussing
God’s will in our lives. Later Dave and
I were talking and he told me that he had been told through revelation that we
were supposed to name him Will. We both
felt very strongly that it was God’s will that this little boy be in our
family. Well, when Brooke asked about
the name I was so nervous to tell her.
We knew this was supposed to be his name but I was afraid she might not
like it. When I told her we wanted to name
him William and call him Will, she got the biggest smile on her face. She told me that William was one of the names
on her list too! I know that this may
seem small, but this was another example to me of Heavenly Father’s hand in our
lives. Of all the names out there, she
had picked the same one we did. What are
the odds?
There
were other things that we did together, like going to color me mine because
Brooke likes art. Brooke also allowed us
the opportunity to come to one of her doctor’s visits and be there for an ultra
sound. It was such an amazing experience!
We even got to hear his heart beat!
She is truly amazing and was so kind to allow us to experience some of
the things that we never otherwise would have been able to. We will be grateful to her for her love and
sacrifice our whole lives. It is hard to
explain how much we have come to love her.
She is a part of our family and we will always care about her.
While
we were at the doctor’s appointment with her, we were told that they were
scheduling her C section on December 8th. We were so excited. Well November 30th, I received a
phone call from Brooke. She had gone to
a doctor’s appointment and her blood pressure was high so they wanted to move
the C section up to December 2nd.
We had two days to get ready. It
was so nerve wracking and exciting all at once.
Like
I mentioned previously, Brooke is amazing and we are so lucky to have her. She was so caring towards us and wanted us to
have as close to an experience of having a child as possible so she invited us
to come to the hospital to watch the C section and she even made sure that we
would have our own room at the hospital.
We were so thankful for her thoughtfulness. On December 2nd we arrived at the
hospital at 5 am and spent time with Brooke and some of her family in her room
while we were waiting for them to take her back. Then my brother-in-law and
sister arrived. We had previously spoken
to Brooke about them coming. My
brother-in-law is a photographer and he agreed to come and take pictures so
that we could make a book to read to Will his birth story. Soon after that they took Brooke into the
operating room.
We were able to watch
our son’s birth through a window. I will
never forget seeing his little head with a bunch of dark hair. I was so surprised he had hair! After Will was born, he was brought directly
to us. Brooke wanted us to be the first
to hold him while she took a little bit of time to recover. Like I said, she is the best.
Watching him be wheeled out of the operation
room and being able to touch him for the first time is an experience I don’t
think I could ever describe. There is so
much happiness your heart feels like it will burst and it does not seem real at
all.
The next hour we were able to spend
with Will while he was checked out and the nurses made sure he was
healthy.
Then we were able to go to our
room and feed him. I felt so much love for him the moment I saw him. I was absolutely attached and I could not
imagine life without him.
After that we were able to take Will to meet his
amazing, strong, incredible birth mother.
It was such a happy and amazing
day. We are so grateful to Brooke and
the sacrifice that she made. We are so
incredibly happy to have a very open adoption with her. She lives about ten minutes away from us and
so Will is able to see her. We also text
her pictures of him at least twice a week and my very favorite thing is randomly
running into her when we go to the grocery store or Walmart. Adoption is about love and it has changed my
life for the better. I know that we had
so many delays while we were waiting for our child because we were waiting specifically
for Will. I know he was always meant to
be in our family. I am so grateful that
Heavenly Father knew what I needed in my life even though I didn’t. I have truly learned so much. I have learned how to be happy during trials
(it took us six years to become parents) and during that time I was able to let
the Lord bear my burdens and trust that he knew what was best so that I did not
have to worry about it and could just be happy. I’ve learned so much about adoption.
I feel like I was completely ignorant before we began this journey and now I
have learned so much about really opening my heart to others and not allowing
other emotions to keep me from letting someone else love my son. It is just more love. I’m grateful that I have had these
opportunities to grow, and I’m most grateful that I finally have my sweet baby
boy who was always meant for us.
