Dave and I were approved to adopt in November of 2017 but because of the holidays, we didn't actually get around to posting our profile until February of 2018. On March 17,2018 we received an email from Ben's birth mother, Brooke. To be honest we both laughed a little because Will's birth mother is named Brooke and so we thought what are the odds that we would have two birth mothers named Brooke? But needless to say we were very excited to hear from her. We text her the very next day per her request and that night we had a conversation with her and her parents on the phone. We felt that it went fairly well and were interested to see where things would go. A couple days later we text her to thank her for contacting us and to let her know she was in our prayers. She text us back that she thought about us every day and that she appreciated us. We were so grateful for that text. About a week later we heard from Brooke's mother. She wanted some information on agencies vs. private adoption. After that, we text Brooke a few times to let her know we were thinking of her, but we never heard back. A few weeks went by and we had determined that we probably would not hear from her again. We decided to fast for her and her parents, but still we were not contacted by them. At this point we were sure we would not hear from them and so we decided to move on. A month later Dave and I went to the temple to do sealings. As we were sitting in the sealing room I began begging Heavenly Father to guide us and to help us know how to grow our family, to know what more we needed to do. Later that day, completely out of the blue, Brooke text us to tell us she was having a boy! We were in complete shock! We truly did not ever expect to hear from her again. Well we text back and forth for most of the evening just getting to know each other. The last thing Brooke asked us was if she were to place her baby with us, if she would get to see him. I assured her that she would. After this conversation, I decided that in a few days I would text her again just showing our support of her and offering her information for the Utah Adoption Specialists if she was interested in getting counseling. I was incredibly nervous to send the text and I prayed for days that the message would be well received. I was so worried she would take it the wrong way. After many prayers I sent the text and hoped for the best. Almost immediately she text back and asked if we could meet. I began crying for joy. I was so humbled that my prayer had been answered.
About a week after our last text I suddenly felt very strongly that I needed to send her a text just letting her know we were thinking of her. I usually only text her after 5pm per her request, but I felt so strongly that I needed to send it that I just did. I did not hear back from her, and usually that would make me worried sick, but instead I felt at peace. I couple days later she text me back and told me that she feels at peace when she talks to us and that makes her feel a whole lot better. What a tender mercy to hear that from her.
The next day we met with Brooke and her parents for the first time. It is always nerve wracking, but we enjoyed meeting them and getting to know them a bit. They had a lot of questions for us and my hands were shaking so hard the entire time, but I was so grateful for the opportunity we had to meet them.
The next month I decided to fast that we would be guided in the adoption process and that we would be able to find the baby that was meant to be in our family. The next night as I was again praying for help with the adoption process, right in the middle of my prayer my phone buzzed. Without even looking at it I knew that it was Brooke. Sure enough, when I ended my prayer, Brooke had text me to ask what we thought about the name Bennett.
At the end of June we had a face to face meeting with Brooke, her parents, and our social workers. When we arrived Brooke had a gift for us. When I opened the gift there were fortune cookie shaped origami inside. When I opened this biggest fortune cookie there was a slip of paper inside that read "Lately I've been thinking, because its all I've had to do, and in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you." Words could never express all of the emotions that ran through my heart. I was so happy and grateful for Dave and I, but also filled with so much love as well as heartache for Brooke and the hard decision she had made. Afterwords, Brooke told us that as soon as she had seen our profile picture, she knew we were supposed to be this little guys parents. I am eternally grateful for the Lord's guidance in bringing us together so we could all have the chance to love this very special boy.
After telling us that she was choosing us, we were able to get together with Brooke and go to Build a Bear to make a bear for Bennett. It was wonderful to spend time with her and get to know her better. Then a couple weeks later we were able to have a BBQ with Brooke and her parents. I am incredibly grateful for that evening. I felt like we were really able to get to know each other a little bit better.
That was the last time we saw Brooke or her family until after Ben was born. The beginning of August I began feeling very anxious. When I went to the temple that month I poured out my feelings to the Lord and I was blessed with such a feeling of peace, I knew that no matter what happened, everything would turn out alright.
By the end of August I was very nervous again. Brooke had told us that Bennett was measuring three weeks early so I thought he could be coming any day. We had not heard from Brooke for a while even though we text her once a week to let her know we were thinking of her and I was on pins and needles just wondering what was going on. The next few weeks were very long and by the end of it I legitimately thought I was going to have an ulcer. Every time my phone buzzed I wondered if it was her telling my Bennett had been born. One Saturday morning I went to the temple. While I was there I told Heavenly Father that I was so stressed and that every time my phone buzzed I was hoping it was her but it never was. So I decided that I just couldn't think that way any more. As soon as I left the temple I got in my car and turned on my phone so I could text Dave that I was on my way home. My phone buzzed. I figured it was Dave and didn't get too excited about it. I pulled out my phone to text him back and immediately burst into ugly tears. There was a picture of a beautiful baby boy. Bennett had been born.
Since Bennett was born Saturday morning, I knew that Monday would be placement. The day that we would go to the hospital to bring Ben home. Because Brooke was pretty much the first person who had contacted us when we began the adoption process, we had told quite a few people about her, which we wouldn't usually do, but that early on we didn't really have high hopes that she would choose us. You usually are not chosen by the first person who contacts you. But because we had told quite a few people, we let all of them know that Bennett had been born and to please pray that he would be able to join our family. Sunday was a very stressful day. We thought we would find out quickly when to be to the hospital on Monday, but we did not find out until about 7:00pm Sunday night that we needed to be there at 8:00am the next morning. We were scrambling to have my Mom come down to watch Will and to have my Brother in law and Sister come to take pictures at the hospital.
The next morning we arrived at the hospital bright and early to pick up our baby boy. We were full of nerves and excitement. Meeting Ben for the first time was such a tender moment.
Brooke requested that her parents bring Bennett to us, so we were able to see them at the hospital. It was then that they told us that after Ben was born, they had decided they did not want to place him for adoption and they held a family counsel to figure out how they could keep him in their family. At the end of their family counsel they had realized that he wasn't meant to be in their family and that they should place him with us. What an incredibly bittersweet moment for us. I cannot put into words the love and heartache I feel for Bennett's birth family. I know that it broke their hearts to let him go and that breaks my heart for them. But I will be forever grateful to the Lord for his hand in bringing Ben to our family, and we are truly grateful for all of the prayers that were given on our behalf. I know they helped Bennett's sweet family have the courage to do the hardest thing they will every do, place him in our family.
Eight months later we were able to experience the very best part of adoption. Having your child sealed to you in the temple. We invited Ben's birth family to join us for the sealing. Previous to them choosing us to adopt Ben, they had confided in us that one of the things they were having the most difficult time with was knowing that Ben would be sealed to us, and what does that mean for them? As we met with the sealer before having Ben sealed to us, we did inform him that some of Ben's birth family would be in the sealing room. We did not tell him any of their concerns though. During the sealing, our sealer spoke about thinking about the sealing in a broader sense. That it didn't matter so much who was sealed to who, because we were all being sealed to God and so we were all being sealed together. He spoke so eloquently and was so inspired. I knew the Lord wanted them to know that we are all family and I am truly grateful for that beautiful, perfect tender mercy.
I know that the Lord is aware of each of us, and I am so thankful for the fulfillment of the blessing I received previous to us adopting Ben. I truly did see His hand every step of the way. How lucky I am for His loving care in my life.
